RespiteMatch.com Health Blog

Spouse & Family

As a caregiver, you may find yourself caught between the
needs of your aging parents and the needs of your
spouse, children and career. The effects of this dilemma
can be felt deeply by you, your spouse and your family.
The time that you spend caring for your aging parents
can cut into the time that you spend with your family,
and it is important that you anticipate this and work to
make the situation easier for everyone involved.

Common Reactions

Here are some of the common reactions that your
spouse and family may have:

JEALOUSY: Why are your parents taking all of your time
and attention?

CONCERN: Are you OK? Are your parents OK? What can
we do to help?

FEAR: How long is this going to last?

ANGER AND RESENTMENT: When are we going to be first
in your life again?

The Importance of Communication

Your spouse and family may have these reactions
without even realizing it. They may suppress their
emotions to protect you, or because they feel guilty
about them. Your spouse may simply avoid confronting
you; your children may act out theiremotions without
understanding what they are feeling.
For these reasons, it is important to give your family
the time and space to communicate their feelings with
you—and for you to communicate your feelings with
them. Set aside regular times—during meals, for
instance—when family members can express what they
are feeling.

Involve Your Family

You might also consider involving your spouse and children
in the care of your parents. Help your kids make
Valentine cards to bring to grandma and grandpa. Talk
with your husband or wife about the specifics of mom’s
recent surgery. Involving your family can make them feel
important and needed, and it can also help them to
understand what you are going through.

Your Family Is Your First Priority

No matter how much you love your parents, you may
feel that your spouse and children come first. There is
nothing wrong with this; it is completely natural and
understandable. You must let yourself care for your family
first, before you turn your attention to your parents.
Showing your spouse and your children that you care
will make your home life happier and healthier, and in
the long run it will make you a better caregiver for your
parents.