RespiteMatch.com Health Blog

The following is a reprint of an information sheet that a caregiver wrote for the friends and other family members of her loved one, whom we’ll call “Jane.” The caregiver would like us to share it with you, too. Family caregivers can be the best sources of information about dementia behaviors and caregiving tips.

What to Expect

By knowing a little more about Jane’s illness and the way it is affecting her, we hope you will be less likely to be caught off-guard when her behavior, or the way she responds to a particular situation, is not quite what you might have expected. Instead, we hope you will recognize that her behavior, although perplexing at times, is quite normal for someone with Alzheimer’s.

Communication Changes

􀂃 When you explain something to Jane, she often is still able to understand what you are telling her. The problem is that she quickly forgets what she understood. Don’t be surprised if you need to explain again later.

􀂃 She often repeats stories, sometimes within minutes, forgetting that she has already told you. This is a typical and sometimes disconcerting symptom of the disease. Just be patient, and subtly redirect her to a new subject.

􀂃 “Creating” details is a very common cover-up for Alzheimer’s victims when they come up against a gap in memory; they’re not trying to be dishonest. Also, it’s not unusual for Jane to tell you a perfectly reliable story, but use the wrong names. Therefore, be forewarned not to pass her stories on to anyone else unless you verify the accuracy.

􀂃 Jane’s ability to initiate or follow conversations, and to “stay on track,” is becoming more limited, particularly in groups. She seems more successful in one-on-one conversations.

Memory Losses

􀂃 Names and relationships, even of very close friends and relatives, are escaping her. She may quickly recognize you as someone familiar, but still not remember who you are, or what your name is. This is a result of the disease and is not intentional. Don’t feel slighted; merely supply your name upon greeting her, and if necessary, give her a verbal clue or two.

􀂃 As the disease progresses, she is having more and more trouble remembering recent events, and some days she remembers better than others. There’s no way to predict. However, she is more successful at reminiscing about events from the past, and has many interesting and fun stories to tell. Don’t be surprised if some of the details aren’t quite as you remember them.

Behavior Changes

􀂃 Sometimes Jane is unaware of her deficiencies, while at other times she seems quite aware but is unable to do anything about it…except attempt to “cover up.” Allow her the dignity of doing so.

􀂃 As is typical of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, Jane will sometimes exhibit childlike behaviors. However, try to remind yourself that she is still an adult with adult feelings, and relate to her accordingly.

􀂃 She sometimes tends to doze off quite easily, particularly if she is unable to participate in the conversation. If this happens, just gently wake her up and get her talking or moving around a bit. At such times, it is best to keep the visit short.

􀂃 Have patience. If Jane does exhibit a behavior that you think is not quite appropriate, remind yourself that, due to her memory loss, she does not always remember what is expected and acceptable. She is doing the best she can.

Phone Calls

􀂃 When you call Jane on the phone, immediately identify yourself even through she may sound like she knows who it is. She often recognizes a voice as sounding “familiar,” but that doesn’t mean she remembers who you are, or the name that goes with the voice.

􀂃 If you make any plans with her on the phone, before you hang up ask to talk with me to confirm the arrangements. Even though Jane may sound like she understood what you were telling her, by the time she hangs up she is generally unable to remember who she was talking with, much less the specifics of the conversation. She can really fool you on this.

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